The Art of Calming Down

We make up our terror these days. Once we were absolutely justified: there really was a lion who really was about to eat us. Now we habitually flood ourselves with stress hormones for no good reason at all. Unfortunately, we are still wired to imagine the worst.

Calming down takes practice. First, remember that your alarm is not your fault. Negativity, fear, alarm is our heritage. Don't add to the problem by getting mad at yourself. 

Now understand: Anxiety befuddles the brain. You won't be able to think clearly unless you calm down. Thinking clearly leads to beneficial actions that rectify tough situations and problems. Thinking anxiously, urgently, leads to reactive behavior and inevitable messes.

How do you know you're thinking clearly? Your heart rate is down, your body has relaxed, your breathing is slow, regular. Your voice is not loud or high; you are not clenching your jaw, your hands.

Your brain has shifted from the emotional limbic system to the prefrontal cortex, the site of good judgment.

Shifting from the hot amygdala (the fight or flight center in the limbic system) to the calm cortex requires some deliberate steps.

First, you must notice you're "hot" - in fight or flight mode. If with another who is triggering the feelings, you must move away and take a breather. Take a fast walk to get the oxygen moving through your brain. Deep breathing clears the head.

Then you might ask yourself, with compassion, what's this really about? Taking an exploratory attitude helps us calm down. There is something that is bothering you. How to develop a solution, rather than expecting the worst? Try to identify the behavior or statement or thought that triggered your anger, fear, stress. That is an emotional truth that needs to be acknowledged. 

Once you identify the trigger, you have something to work with. You can let the other know, calmly, what happened. You can request their understanding and/or help, if appropriate to the type of relationship.

Often, and we're back to the lion, it is our own interpretation of what occurred, our own way of seeing it, that needs to be worked on. This is why people get help from psychotherapists. Therapy becomes a safe and calming space for addressing all those lions that seem to be coming after us.