Welcome to the District of Columbia

DC is a place where everyone is trying to get ahead. I don’t know why they don’t want the one they have. The one they were born with. New heads are not easy to find. And the first one actually comes with a body.

Ah, but In DC getting a head involves not having just any body. You have to be Some body, you can’t just be any body. You will know this when the body without a new head is not looking at you while you try to talk to it. It’s looking around the room trying to find Somebody who will help them get the new head. 

You will also know that you are definitely not Some Body when you are advised by several different bodies that they are so sorry but they are just so busy.

Try not to feel bad. They are being told the same thing by many other bodies, who are hearing it from more bodies. Etc Etc. The entire Washington area is secretly worried that no body likes them.

In order to be Some Body, or just to repress the feeling that nobody actually wants to make time for you, you must also become very busy yourself. Being an available body means you are definitely not Some Body. That, at least, is clear.

It’s hard to figure out, at first - the math of it. But it may help you to notice that everything happens only once a month - say on the second Tuesday, except for months that are less than thirty one days but more than twenty eight. You just have to accept that your life will be a bit piecemeal, what with this and that, and that the bodies you meet will only be available on the first Monday kind of thing. Because they’re just so busy, ya know?

Funny how difficult it can be to get to know people when you meet them only one day a month for two hours. But when you’re looking to get a head you probably aren’t looking to know just any body. So it kind of works out in the math.

Now something else that might help: DC is full of secrets. I don’t know if you figured that out yet, but it’s a good thing to understand about DC. You might get the picture when you’re on a date, say, and you’re down at the mall, say, walking along in the wide open with nobody around and you criticize the president out loud say, and your date turns pale and hushes you. He’s actually scared! Like somebody’s listening up in the sky and he might get caught.

Try not to freak out when you realize he may know a lot that you don’t. Just take it in stride. You’re in DC now, and there’s actual stuff going on.

Or say, on another date with a different man, you’re strolling the deep northwest embassies and he can’t follow you up the road without reporting it.

It may take you awhile, but you might eventually actually add up all the security agencies and military bases in the area and be amazed. There are a shitload. Tens of thousands are working for them. Probably half of you out there.

When you actually think about it, how many of your friends and future friends might have to report who you are? And, of course you might have to report who they really are. When they need a security clearance. Kind of puts a damper on real friendship. Which is actually about being open, sharing, getting closer through true, sometimes difficult feelings.

So all those once a month only two hour activities: maybe most people here really don’t want to be known.

Too risky.

Yeah, it takes awhile to adjust to our nations greater Capitol region. Especially if you aren’t trying to get a head. Say you’re happy with the head you already have that emerged, way back, from your very own amazing mothers Gina. Say you like having friends that think you’re Some Body just because of who you actually, for real, are. Say you value the feelings in your very own body that goes with your very own head and you do feel rejected when A Body you hoped liked you is just too busy. Say you think that’s bullshit. And say, even that you never want to make yourself too busy for friendship.

Because getting a head usually leaves us without any body.